Friends with Benefits
by Paris in December
Summary: Five moments in Sirius's life when he questions his relationship with James. Written for the HPFC Non Canon Competition and Descriptive Challenge. Implied one-sided slash. Chapters: 6/5. Potion Shop series.
1. To Vex

**Author's Note: **Written for the Non Canon Competition by Cheeky Slytherin Lass and the Descriptive Challenge by Emery Wright on the HPFC forum. The prompt for this chapter is from the Descriptive Challenge.

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**To Vex**

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Fourth Year

How do you tell your best friend that you're gay? Do you just come right out and say it, or do you have to be careful and wait for the right moment? Do you tell him now, or in a few years, once you've dated a few blokes and can say yes, you're quite positive? Maybe you should never tell him.

What happens if he doesn't approve of it? Will you lose him forever? You aren't interested in _him_, but what if he doesn't get it? Is it possible to make him understand? Is it possible to stay friends with someone who thinks there's something wrong with you?

What happens if he just brushes it off? You don't think he'd be that insensitive, but some people will go to extreme lengths not to believe something. Think of the Muggles! Will you be able to stay friends with him, in good conscience, if you know he's rejecting a part of you as nonexistent?

What happens if he's queer too? Will that make it awkward for your other friends? Will people start talking about you and saying the two of you are shagging? Is it even possible for two gay blokes to just be friends? You're pretty sure he's not gay.

(You tell him at last, and he just laughs and says it was obvious, he was wondering when you were finally going to admit it. Sometimes he really vexes you.)


	2. To Enthrall

**Author's Note: **Shoutout to StarKid McFly for the review! The prompt for this chapter is from the Descriptive Challenge.

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**To Enthrall**

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Fifth Year

What do you do when you realize you like your best friend… _that_ way? He knows you're into blokes, but you figure he knows better than to assume you'd be attracted to _every_ bloke you come across. You think it probably hasn't occurred to him that there's still a chance you'll fall for _him_.

But you're not falling for him. It's not _love_, it's just a stupid crush, like his thing with Evans. Right? You probably just have to wait it out and try not to spend too much time daydreaming about inappropriate things that involve him. Right?

What do you do when it's driving you crazy? Maybe you should mention it to him. Maybe he'll understand. Maybe he'll admit that secretly, he's gay too, or maybe he goes both ways. Maybe he'll tell you that he's been waiting for you to say that for ages, because the Evans thing is just a ruse to make sure the Slytherins don't find out where his interests really lie, and what he really wants is to be with you.

Maybe he'll laugh at you. Maybe he'll think you're joking, and you'll feel awkward about it and he won't even notice. Maybe he'll realize you're serious, and he'll tell you he doesn't go that way, and it'll be awkward for both of you. Maybe it'll ruin your friendship.

Better not to tell him. But there is something enthralling about him. The way he looks at Evans… you wish he'd look at you like that.


	3. To Descend

**Author's Note:** Shoutout again to StarKid McFly for reviewing! I'm glad you're enjoying it. (; The prompt for this chapter is from the Descriptive Challenge.

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**To Descend**

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Sixth Year

How do you tell your best friend you're in love with him? How can you possibly explain the way he makes you feel? It's like flying without a broomstick. It's like chocolate cake. It's so much more than that.

How can you be in love with him when he's so attached to that stupid girl? Sure, she's pretty, as far as girls go, but she used to be friends with a Slytherin, and even now she doesn't like it when you and your friends prank him. You don't know what he sees in her. You don't understand why he's always drawing little hearts around her name in the corners of his parchment.

J.P. and L.E. Why couldn't it be J.P. and S.B.? Why couldn't it be you he pines after? You love pranks. You're one hundred percent Gryffindor – and even if he wants ties to Slytherin, you've got those too, thanks to your bloody family. You're good-looking – even the girls say it, and they all know you're gay.

How can you have such a doomed relationship? How can you stay just friends when you know, you _know_, you could be so much more?

You've started to descend into a depression, but you're sure he doesn't even notice.


	4. To Wait

**Author's Note:** Thanks to random. spanish .girl and StarKid McFly for the reviews! The prompt for this chapter is from the Non Canon Competition.

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**To Wait**

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Seventh Year

What do you do when your one true love is dating someone else? How can you _possibly_ react positively when he tells you, with obvious delight, that the girl he's been chasing has finally agreed to go out with him? How can you smile and nod and congratulate him when inside you're choking and crying and wanting desperately to strangle him – or better yet, her?

Somehow you do and say all the right things, and he doesn't see how you're really quite upset with him. He's completely oblivious to the way you look at him, the way you shudder whenever he touches you. You start to avoid his touch, but it doesn't really matter anymore because he stops touching you on his own. He's got a girlfriend now. Who needs a best friend?

You can't decide if you'd rather stay best friends and hope to fall _out_ of love with him, or if you'd prefer to cut all ties. It doesn't seem to matter though, because all his attention is now focused on his girlfriend. He doesn't want to spend _any_ time with his best friend anymore.

Well, fine then. If he wants to stop being friends, maybe you should just go with it. It's not like this friendship is doing anything for you anyway. It just gets you loads of detentions and cuts you off from your family. Maybe you should never have gotten yourself Sorted into Gryffindor in the first place.

But somehow, you can't bring yourself to actually tell him that you're no longer friends. Maybe if you wait long enough, he'll realize that Evans isn't the one for him.


	5. To Dance

**Author's Note:** Thanks to StarKid McFly, Nathalie Carey 16, and sareface for the reviews! The prompt for this chapter is from the Non Canon Competition.

This is not quite the end of the story. There's going to be an epilogue.

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**To Dance**

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After Hogwarts

How do you attend your best friend's marriage to someone else? How do you resist the urge to stop the wedding, screaming your objections, never mind that he'll think it's the worst kind of betrayal? How do you watch him standing up there with _her_, his eyes fixed on the beautiful red hair and bright green eyes?

You know you'll never be as beautiful as Lily, and you know she's a decent person, but she's not _you_. It hurts more than you'd care to admit to watch them at their vows, but you've made your decisions, and he still doesn't know you've loved him for years, more than she ever will.

How can you dance at their wedding? How can you watch them dancing without that twinge of envy showing in your eyes? It's awkward enough dancing with women as it is, and you have to dance with some women, because there aren't enough gay men here and you don't want to be stuck with one bloke the whole night. Having to dance with women while _he's_ in the corner of your eye, laughing and twirling Lily around, is almost impossible.

You handle it. You keep your face neutral and your tone even when you speak. But the way he looks at you now says he's noticed something. He's noticed that you're not as happy for him as you should be.

You wonder what he thinks the reason is.


	6. Epilogue

**Author's Note: **Shoutout to random. spanish .girl, StarKid McFly, and gaia-x-goddess for the reviews! This story is now complete.

Don't forget to check out "Unpredictable" to see Regulus's side of the story and to find out what Sirius is agreeing to do!

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**Epilogue**

The decision is his to make and his alone. He would have liked to ask James for advice, or Remus, but James is busy with his new _wife_ and Remus is on some kind of important mission for the Order.

James and Lily are in the Order too. Sirius isn't sure if he wants to join. His indecision is one of the reasons James always looks at him strangely now. He's pretty sure they aren't best friends anymore.

But he needs _someone_.

_Regulus,_

_I'll do it. Let's meet up at home. Does six on Thursday work for you?_

_Sirius_


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